It’s been five months since I ditched the day job to focus full time on my business. In that time, I’ve been so busy learning new skills and attending trainings, driving long distances to teach mandala workshops, and building a new website and online courses. The last thirty days have been particularly intense.
I’m often asked, “How are you doing?” and “How does it feel?”
The short answer is that I feel great.
What’s remarkable is in this time of greatest uncertainty in my life, I feel the greatest ease, calm, and inner peace. The woman, pictured in the SoulCollage® card above, sits calmly and securely on a tree limb; she reflects just how I feel, most of the time.
I do however, have my moments when the internal panic button fires off.
The train of thoughts goes something like this:
“Can I pull this off?” “What if I fail?” “I don’t want to go back (to the day job).” “I can’t go back!” “Fernando, (my husband) believes in me, I don’t want to let him down.” “I don’t want to let myself down!”
Fortunately, I don’t have too many moments like these but recently, the panic button was stuck on for a few days. What helped me to ride through it was giving myself a pep talk. I reminded myself of all the things that I had accomplished and all of the great things on the horizon. “Kathryn, Omega Institute invited you to teach during family week!” “Look at your new beautiful website that you created all by yourself.” “You’ve only just started. This is a foundational year. You’re doing great and you’re right on track.”
The pep talks and a few good nights rest really helped to turn things around.
Without any warning, it was if a light switch flipped on Sunday and my vulnerable feelings were replaced with a deep belief and strong conviction about what I was endeavoring to do.
It was a new moon on Sunday and the end of a long string of days in Mercury Retrograde. Could it have been these events that triggered the internal shift from fear to hope? I don’t know the answer to that but what I do know is that the new moon is a good time to pause, check-in, and set positive intentions for what you want to focus on until the next full moon.
Your Personal Legend
Yesterday morning, I picked up “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho that has been patiently waiting on one of several stacks of books in my home studio. My intuition said, make time for this little story.
“The Alchemist” is a story of a young shepherd boy in search of his treasure, his Personal Legend. “Your Personal Legend is what you’ve always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.”
Thinking back on my childhood, I didn’t know what my Personal Legend was, but what I could tell you was what fascinated me and what I loved to do. My sister who is older than me by 12 years tells me stories of how each Saturday one of her chores was to take a paper grocery bag or two and clear out all of the paper scraps from my bedroom while I was napping. I loved cutting and gluing paper and would create my own paper dolls by cutting up the fat JC Penney and Sears catalogues.
To this day I still have a love for paper and collage art. My dear friend Claudia recently remarked, “It really is your gift.”
When I’m creating a collage either by hand or digitally, I find myself slip into the creative zone. It’s a lovely place where time slips away and I delight in the shapes, colors, and images that I move across the surface in front of me. I almost feel like I’m not present when I’m creating collages. It’s as if they happen through me.
So here is where I feel like I’m really going out on a limb – could my passion for collage be my Personal Legend? It may just be!
In February, I felt like I was out on a limb with an idea for an online journal workshop. I had no idea if anyone would sign up or if the concept would fly.
What I wanted to create was more than a workshop on how to work with collage in a journal. I wanted to create an experience. I wanted there to be some mystery and anticipation. I wanted to offer a space to awaken one’s creativity and precious time to tune in to one’s intuition and listen to the wisdom of the soul.
For each workshop, I pull out my collage making skills to design an envelope. I have so much fun planning the prompts and collecting the assorted goodies to put in the envelope. I keep it a mystery what I’m sending. When the envelope arrives, they can look inside but how we’ll use the items isn’t revealed until we meet up in a Zoom web conference.
As I read halfway through “The Alchemist,” I felt my heart pump with excitement. The story speaks of learning the language of omens and reading the signs and synchronicities in our daily lives. I found myself saying to myself as I read the book, “I get that. I do that. I read the signs. I notice the synchronicities. I even bring this element of magical living to my journal workshops!”
Tucked inside the envelopes that I mail to each journal workshop participant is an oracle card. As I prepare and stuff the envelopes, my intention is that each person will receive the message that will be meaningful and helpful to them. I trust in divine synchronicity. I prep up all of the envelopes and as I fill the orders, I have no idea which words or messages will be sent to the recipient. It is during the workshop that we explore the contents of the envelope and each person uncovers their own inspired message.
How do you know what your Personal Legend is? Here is another clue from the book:
“There was a language in the world that everyone understood… It was the language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose, and as part of the search for something believed and desired.”
“Whoa!” This little story is filled with gems that affirm what I’m doing with these journal workshops and other courses that I’ve developed.
I take heart in these words,
“When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.”
How am I doing? How do I feel?
I believe. I have faith. I am so very grateful that I was brave and said, “yes!” last November. I’m not sure where this journey will take me but I’m going to follow what energizes me and pour my heart into it.
I’m also very glad that I followed my idea to create these journal workshops. Many participants are coming back for a second or third time! Each workshop is a stand alone so you can sign up for any of them. Each month, I’ll open up a new session.
“I can’t believe how much excitement there can be in such a little envelope.”
IMPORTANT FINE PRINT
Amazon Affiliate – Kathryn Costa is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
SoulCollage® is a trademarked process created by Seena Frost. For more information on Seena, the process, or Facilitator Training please visit her website.
SoulCollage® cards are made either from one’s own art or from images found in materials which have been bought by or given to the SoulCollage card maker.
These collaged cards are used only for the cardmaker’s own inner exploration. SoulCollage cards are not sold, traded, bartered, or copied (except as a back-up for the cardmakers own use) as is stated in the Principles of SoulCollage®. Where SoulCollage cards are available to be seen by others, it is for the purposes either of demonstrating the SoulCollage process or of sharing the cardmakers’ inner process in the context of community. SoulCollage® is grateful to the artists and photographers who make this deep awakening process possible and in all ways SoulCollage® seeks to be respectful of their rights.