Last weekend, I experienced something truly transformative at the Beltane Retreat with Jen Hudziec, held at the serene Sky Meadow Retreat in Greensboro Bend, VT. The weekend was centered on ancestral healing—specifically honoring and reconnecting with the women in our lineage. Through guided meditations, creative exploration, and sacred circle gatherings, we were invited to dive deep into the stories held in our bodies, memories, and spirits.

As part of the retreat, each of us received a set of Matryoshka dolls—traditional wooden nesting dolls—to paint and collage. These dolls, with their lineage of one tucked inside the next, represent more than just motherhood. They symbolize the continuum of life, the wisdom passed from generation to generation, and the integration of body, soul, mind, heart, and spirit.

Almost immediately, a bird and winged theme emerged in my creative process. Each doll became its own story, its own keeper of memory and meaning.

Let’s take a closer look at each doll and the story they tell.

Wisdom Doll

The largest of the set, my Wisdom Doll, holds the spirit of my mother. She loved owls, and I brought with me a beautifully illustrated napkin featuring an owl, which I decoupaged onto the wooden surface.

At the base of the doll, a dark and mystical forest sets the stage—reminding me of the sacred, hidden places where wisdom lives.

One of the more unexpected elements I incorporated was a piece of bark I had found long ago—its origin now forgotten. Miraculously, it fit perfectly inside the owl’s head, as if it had always belonged there. To me, it represents the ancient forest, home to the owl spirit who sees in the dark.

On the bottom of the doll, I included a message clipped from a magazine: “Get smarter every day by listening to your intuition.” I also drew a mandala at the base to ground the piece in the sacred geometry of wholeness and self-connection.

Inside, I tucked a photograph of my younger self sitting on my mother’s lap. In that image, I see love, safety, and connection. I remember exactly how it felt to be held by her. I miss you, Mom.

Trust Doll

During one of our guided meditations, a single word came through with quiet clarity: trust.
“Trust divine timing on your passion projects. Know that you are right where you are meant to be. Trust that the right partners will come forth to collaborate and bring your vision to life.”

The Trust Doll began with a special paper offered by another participant—part of her late mother’s cherished collection of art supplies. This generous act of sharing felt deeply aligned with the retreat’s spirit of ancestral honoring and community.

The image of a raven, another bird my mother loved, emerged serendipitously. While unpacking a box of rubber stamps I had brought, I rediscovered a raven stamp gifted to me 16 years ago by Inge, a fellow blogger from Belgium. I had only used it once before, without success. This moment, however, felt meant for it. The stamped image turned out beautifully, although slightly distorted during the decoupage process. The word trust arcs along the curve of the bird’s back, as if carried by the wings of fate.

A final, tender addition came from another generous soul at the retreat—dried flowers that hold dear memories of her mother. I placed them beneath the raven, and they came to resemble a nest, a place of safety, patience, and new beginnings.

Inside the Head of the Trust Doll

While wandering the retreat grounds, I noticed some twisted branches growing along the side of a building. They reminded me of my mother reading the tale of Br’er Rabbit, always with a thick Southern accent that made me laugh. I’d beg her to read it over and over again. In the story, Br’er Rabbit tricks Br’er Fox into throwing him into the briar patch—his true home, where he thrives.

That memory found its way into my doll. Inside her head, I painted brown, tangled lines—my version of a briar patch. To me, it represents the look of my mind when it’s caught in worry. But perhaps, like Br’er Rabbit, I can learn to see this tangle not as a trap, but as a place of cleverness, resilience, and possibility. Maybe, in those moments of worry, I can transform my thoughts into creative, healing energy.

At the Base: A Place for Worries to Rest

Another participant shared a handful of tiny Guatemalan worry dolls, and I tucked a few inside the base of the Trust Doll. Their legend touched me:

“Tell your worries to the doll before bed. Place it under your pillow or on your bedside table. While you sleep, the doll will take your worries away.”

Used as dreamcatchers and amulets, these little companions offer a practice of daily release—a symbolic and soulful way to unburden the mind and invite peaceful rest.

Under the worry dolls, I transcribed a message that came wrapped in a piece of Dove chocolate:

“Every challenge is just a new change.”

Gift of Sparkle Doll

Unlike the other dolls, which I began by working from the outside in, this one began from the inside out. Its creation was sparked by a message I clipped from a magazine: “The Gift of Sparkle.” I decoupaged it onto the bottom interior and generously coated the surface with shimmering gold glitter glue—setting the tone for what would become a celebration of inner light.

Inside the head, I added glowing magazine images of lanterns, firelight, and a butterfly-themed faux postage stamp bearing the word love. These images symbolize my passions, the things that ignite joy within me—the elements that make me shine. This doll holds the radiant parts of myself that are often hidden but are at the core of who I am.

The outside of the doll was covered in a collage envelope I had designed years ago and mailed to participants of my online workshops. Its reuse here felt like a full-circle moment—bringing past creative offerings into a new sacred context. Unlike my other dolls, which feature darker tones or monochrome palettes, this one bursts with color. It radiates the vibrancy of my True North Arts business, and reflects the joy I feel when sharing my soulful, creative life with others.

Two messages are featured prominently on the exterior:
“She believed she could, so she did.”
and simply: “play.”

Near the end of the process, I found an illustration of a bird in a magazine that fit so seamlessly—both in color and style—that it felt destined for this piece. As if it flew in at just the right moment to land exactly where it belonged.

Healing Doll

This doll emerged after a powerful and emotional sharing circle around the fire. I had opened up about a deeply personal part of my journey—how, a year prior, I was admitted to a behavioral health unit and received a diagnosis of bipolar II, a thread that connects me to both my mother and her mother. As I spoke, my stuttering, something that began after that pivotal moment in my life and resurfaces under stress, made its presence known. I was emotionally spent when I returned to the crafting table, ready to begin what would become my Healing Doll.

I started with torn pieces of sheet music, symbolizing a return to harmony and rhythm. The base of the doll was wrapped in floral paper, evoking gentleness and growth. As I sifted through my art supplies, I came across a pair of black German scrap wings—a fitting adornment for this shadow-side doll. I added the words:
“Cure yourself”
—an invitation, not to perfection, but to commitment, to the ongoing journey of self-healing.

At the bottom of the doll, I placed a label I had carefully removed from a bobbin of thread in my grandmother’s old sewing tin. My grandmother was a grounded, steady presence in my life. She taught me the value of daily routines, which she followed faithfully to keep herself healthy in body, mind, and spirit. She was a nurse, having graduated in 1924, and her quiet wisdom feels like the perfect anchor for this doll—reminding me that healing is practical, embodied, and deeply rooted in care.

Inside the doll’s head, I tucked in an illustration of a bull—a strong and steady symbol of Taurus, my mother’s sun sign. Taurus energy invites slowness, patience, and presence—all essential to healing. As I gaze at the smiling bull, I sense my mother’s playful spirit reflected back at me. It reminds me that healing doesn’t always have to be heavy. It can be soft, light-hearted, and even joyful.

Lady Luck Doll

The next doll in the series was inspired by the many ladybugs I noticed throughout the retreat center. Their quiet presence felt like little whispers of encouragement, scattered blessings reminding me to stay open to unexpected magic.

To begin, I created a skirt for the doll using a piece of black lace ribbon from my grandmother’s sewing notions tin—a beautiful touch of legacy and elegance. I then discovered two ladybug images in a magazine that fit the doll perfectly, as if they were waiting to land there all along.

This doll represents the belief that Lady Luck smiles on me, even in the midst of darkness. She is a symbol of hope, a reminder that fortune and favor can appear in quiet, subtle ways—especially when we need them most.

Sweet Messenger Doll

Working with the smallest of the nesting dolls proved to be the most challenging. Its size required a delicate touch—and a lot of patience. I found myself wrestling with this one, unsure of where to begin. Eventually, I wrapped it in a violet tissue paper with a simple white cloud illustration.

I carefully tore out a tiny white bird from the same tissue paper and placed it into the cloud. Though small and simple, this image held powerful meaning for me.

Birds are messengers.

This Sweet Messenger Doll carries the quiet whispers from beyond—messages from spirit, from ancestors, from my own inner knowing. She reminds me that guidance often arrives in subtle, gentle ways if I am still enough to listen.

The Origin Doll

The smallest and final doll in the set represents me as a baby—the beginning of my journey through this lifetime. I’ve named her The Origin Doll, honoring birth as the original metamorphosis, the moment spirit takes form.

Her form is simple, stripped back. She is faceless and entirely black, symbolizing the mystery and limitless possibility of a life just beginning. There is no story yet, only the potential of what might be.

I adorned her with a faux postage stamp sticker, carefully trimmed and wrapped around her like a tiny cape. The stamp features a butterfly, echoing the winged theme that surfaced throughout this creative process. The butterfly—always a symbol of transformation—reminds me that this was the very first: my arrival into the world, my soul’s first unveiling.

Though small and humble, this doll holds a powerful presence. She is the seed of everything to come.

Conclusion

This retreat was a gift I gave to myself—a sacred pause, a time to reflect, create, and heal. It came exactly one year after receiving my bipolar diagnosis, a moment I can only describe as a plot twist in the story of my life.

The retreat weekend also fell on a deeply significant day: my mother’s birthday. Her presence wove itself gently through the entire experience, appearing again and again in the stories and symbols of these dolls. I could feel her with me—in the owls, the ladybugs, the ravens, the laughter, and the tears.

I lovingly dedicate this collection of dolls to her.

Writing this blog post has been a continuation of that healing. The tears have come freely, softening my body and releasing long-held weight. And in speaking these personal truths, I feel a sense of lightness and clarity return.

These dolls hold more than images and objects. They carry memory, grief, hope, and transformation.

They are a testament to where I’ve been—and to where I’m going.

I’m deeply grateful to Jen Hudziec for facilitating such a brilliantly transformative experience, and to all the wise and beautiful women who said yes to this sacred weekend. Each of you touched my heart in your own way and added something unique and meaningful to the journey.

Your presence, your stories, and your generosity became part of the healing.